WHY PEOPLE FEAR RELATIONSHIPS

An easy way to identify this type of people may be those who want to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. They radiate fear from themselves which plunges them into avoiding of having to commit to anything especially relationships.

The causes of this phobia are numerous. Experts believe it often starts in childhood, and sometimes can be associated with trauma, death or parental separation. At first the effect may not be noticeable but at the long run it turns out into adults who dare commitment.

Dr. Kelvin Leman, a psychologist in his book, “when your best are not good enough”, gave an illustration—really a true life story. Ann had this lifestyle of falling in and out of relationships. Unconsciously she dares commitments. It came to a point in her life that she met Richard. Ann loved Richard more than any man she had ever loved before. Thy were drawn together like moths to a flame, in the authors word. “It was fate”, she said.

She described Richard as her knight in shinning armor. Guess what? Something unthinkable happened. Her knight in shinning armor asks her hand in marriage. It came over her as a bomb would devastate a land under siege. She was completely broken. What could have been her problem? Experts call it commitment phobia. She kept Richard dangling for several months, until he eventually came to understand she was never going to agree marrying him, and walked away from the relationship.

Richard who opted out was engage to another woman. Ann rediscovering what a wonderful man he was, and how terribly wrong she had let him get away, changed her mind. She tried making amends but it was too late. Richard went ahead to marry her new found love.

Commitment phobic tend to shy away from relationships, not because they are not able o do it but their negativity sometimes could spur up passivity in them. They never have to make decision or take action. This indeed is the pattern for people with low self esteem.

Probably in the past they may have been rejected by others in a particular thing, in order to protect themselves from further occurrence they shut themselves off from people. One thing they have to put to heart is that most successful men in life had failed several times.

Thomas Edison, a man who was branded by his school master as “retarded” and who finished only three months of formal education did not feel rejected, instead, Edison sought to make a genius of others accessible and practical, in that he succeeded.