Dating among colleagues in the same work place has been a regular trend. Workers fall easily in love with those they work with than those without; they feel safe and sure. They feel they know the person inside out.
It is a common thing for people to date their boss. Office romance has been a source of concern to individuals and organization. Harris interaction conducted online survey of 8,038 full-time adult employees on behalf of www.careerbuilder.com between November 12 and December 1, 2008.
According to the report released on Tuesday last week, it showed that forty percent of U.S workers have dated an office colleague, with 31 percent of them going onto marriage. Ten percent work with someone they would like to date.
Among those who dated a co-worker I 2008, one third said it was with a more senior position in the company. In the whole 42 percent have dated their boss.
One would be tempted to ask a question if these bosses dated were somebody else’s husband or wife. What happens to their marriages, for those who are married? I suppose office romance is another culprit to high divorce rate.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
WHY PEOPLE FEAR RELATIONSHIPS
An easy way to identify this type of people may be those who want to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. They radiate fear from themselves which plunges them into avoiding of having to commit to anything especially relationships.
The causes of this phobia are numerous. Experts believe it often starts in childhood, and sometimes can be associated with trauma, death or parental separation. At first the effect may not be noticeable but at the long run it turns out into adults who dare commitment.
Dr. Kelvin Leman, a psychologist in his book, “when your best are not good enough”, gave an illustration—really a true life story. Ann had this lifestyle of falling in and out of relationships. Unconsciously she dares commitments. It came to a point in her life that she met Richard. Ann loved Richard more than any man she had ever loved before. Thy were drawn together like moths to a flame, in the authors word. “It was fate”, she said.
She described Richard as her knight in shinning armor. Guess what? Something unthinkable happened. Her knight in shinning armor asks her hand in marriage. It came over her as a bomb would devastate a land under siege. She was completely broken. What could have been her problem? Experts call it commitment phobia. She kept Richard dangling for several months, until he eventually came to understand she was never going to agree marrying him, and walked away from the relationship.
Richard who opted out was engage to another woman. Ann rediscovering what a wonderful man he was, and how terribly wrong she had let him get away, changed her mind. She tried making amends but it was too late. Richard went ahead to marry her new found love.
Commitment phobic tend to shy away from relationships, not because they are not able o do it but their negativity sometimes could spur up passivity in them. They never have to make decision or take action. This indeed is the pattern for people with low self esteem.
Probably in the past they may have been rejected by others in a particular thing, in order to protect themselves from further occurrence they shut themselves off from people. One thing they have to put to heart is that most successful men in life had failed several times.
Thomas Edison, a man who was branded by his school master as “retarded” and who finished only three months of formal education did not feel rejected, instead, Edison sought to make a genius of others accessible and practical, in that he succeeded.
The causes of this phobia are numerous. Experts believe it often starts in childhood, and sometimes can be associated with trauma, death or parental separation. At first the effect may not be noticeable but at the long run it turns out into adults who dare commitment.
Dr. Kelvin Leman, a psychologist in his book, “when your best are not good enough”, gave an illustration—really a true life story. Ann had this lifestyle of falling in and out of relationships. Unconsciously she dares commitments. It came to a point in her life that she met Richard. Ann loved Richard more than any man she had ever loved before. Thy were drawn together like moths to a flame, in the authors word. “It was fate”, she said.
She described Richard as her knight in shinning armor. Guess what? Something unthinkable happened. Her knight in shinning armor asks her hand in marriage. It came over her as a bomb would devastate a land under siege. She was completely broken. What could have been her problem? Experts call it commitment phobia. She kept Richard dangling for several months, until he eventually came to understand she was never going to agree marrying him, and walked away from the relationship.
Richard who opted out was engage to another woman. Ann rediscovering what a wonderful man he was, and how terribly wrong she had let him get away, changed her mind. She tried making amends but it was too late. Richard went ahead to marry her new found love.
Commitment phobic tend to shy away from relationships, not because they are not able o do it but their negativity sometimes could spur up passivity in them. They never have to make decision or take action. This indeed is the pattern for people with low self esteem.
Probably in the past they may have been rejected by others in a particular thing, in order to protect themselves from further occurrence they shut themselves off from people. One thing they have to put to heart is that most successful men in life had failed several times.
Thomas Edison, a man who was branded by his school master as “retarded” and who finished only three months of formal education did not feel rejected, instead, Edison sought to make a genius of others accessible and practical, in that he succeeded.
Friday, February 6, 2009
WRITING YOUR FIRST LETTER TO AN ONLINE DATE
Your first letter to an online date is an opportunity when ruined could mean the end of your dreamed match come true. First impression would affect your future communication in no small measure. This calls for caution.
Create an air of attraction
Start by making the introductory part of your letter full of attraction. It should be magnetic. You may start with something like: “If I was an author, do you know what I would do? Your picture would certainly make my cover page. You are a beauty bright”
This first line appreciates her person. An unvarnished truth is that almost all people have the need that there presence is being recognized in a sincere way. Appreciation is the primary needs of every human especially those looking for love. Say something stunning about your match, her hair, eyes etc. A good introduction shows how well articulated you could be. It shows your confidence and portrays a person who would not have trouble starting a thing. It shows balance among other things.
Be mysterious a little
Mystery naturally evokes interest and anticipation. An air of mystery heightens your presence. It makes your reader want to go a little step further to know you. Don’t let everything out about you. Make your match want to reply you by saying that you would say more interesting things about yourself that she would love to know when she replies you. A little of mystery would put you in control of her action.
Be short
Be short and precise as much as much as you can. Let every word count. A lengthy letter may turn out to be boring. As you should know, she would be reading a lot of letter. Making it short and interesting would mean being nice to her in a way and being business like.
Keep your problems to yourself
Avoid using your first letter as an avenue to sharing your problems with others. She is not a psychologist. What she needs is love and not your difficult experiences. It would only come when she is intimate with you. Only love can share your difficult experiences.
Nothing generic
Your letter should reflect your match profile. Anything that would make your match think it is not specifically intended for him or she should be avoided like germs. Any feeling of your letter being generic could ruin your intension. Say something that pertains to her profile, her hobby, interest or something.
Avoid revealing questions
Do not ask questions that are personal revealing such as real name, home address, phone numbers, things about sex and the likes. Those are only meant for when the relationship has been taken to another level away from mere acquaintance.
Be yourself
Start by introducing yourself; your age, education and career. Statistics show that these three are most important to learn about for 80% ladies. Do not say things you are not. She may eventually know the truth. Once she knows the truth, her trust for you automatically dwindles. A relationship built on lies hardly stands the test of time.
Be polite and friendly
Do not write anything offensive. Imagine she is a potential business partner and try to keep your discussion formal. Avoid the use of words or phrases like: “hey chick” “my hot girl” and the likes. It doesn’t show a mature and well balanced mind.
Ask questions so she can respond
Let the style of your writing be more of dialogue. It is important you do this; it makes her feel you are a good listener. Encourage your match to talk about themselves. This in a little way gives out a clue to how interested you could be in people. Dale Carnegie, in his book, “How to win friends and influence people”, suggest that one of the principle of how to make people like you is to talk in terms of their interest. Ask your match questions you feel would interest them. This you could do by carefully studying their personal profile. Look for things like their hobbies, what they like doing at leisure and please never forget to make remark on it. If you do not know anything about their interest research a little on it. Try to show some profound knowledge of their interest. This may show you share some interest in common.
Ask him or her how she had written such an interesting profile. Make it known to her how you had read through dozens of profiles and found hers more distinct and striking than any other one you had read. Impress on her mind that she is a good writer and say things nice like: “I wish I could write like you”. If she’s got passion for writing, she would certainly want to talk to you about that in her reply. Specifically point out few striking lines in her profile to buttress your claims. This makes your claims sincere and genuine.
[http://alovelinksplus.com
[http://articlesbase.com. Writing first time to an online match
[http://internet-dating-tips-blogspot.com. Writing your first letter to a girl from dating site
[http://freedatingsite.co.uk.com
[http://articledashboard.com
[http://russiangirlint.com
Create an air of attraction
Start by making the introductory part of your letter full of attraction. It should be magnetic. You may start with something like: “If I was an author, do you know what I would do? Your picture would certainly make my cover page. You are a beauty bright”
This first line appreciates her person. An unvarnished truth is that almost all people have the need that there presence is being recognized in a sincere way. Appreciation is the primary needs of every human especially those looking for love. Say something stunning about your match, her hair, eyes etc. A good introduction shows how well articulated you could be. It shows your confidence and portrays a person who would not have trouble starting a thing. It shows balance among other things.
Be mysterious a little
Mystery naturally evokes interest and anticipation. An air of mystery heightens your presence. It makes your reader want to go a little step further to know you. Don’t let everything out about you. Make your match want to reply you by saying that you would say more interesting things about yourself that she would love to know when she replies you. A little of mystery would put you in control of her action.
Be short
Be short and precise as much as much as you can. Let every word count. A lengthy letter may turn out to be boring. As you should know, she would be reading a lot of letter. Making it short and interesting would mean being nice to her in a way and being business like.
Keep your problems to yourself
Avoid using your first letter as an avenue to sharing your problems with others. She is not a psychologist. What she needs is love and not your difficult experiences. It would only come when she is intimate with you. Only love can share your difficult experiences.
Nothing generic
Your letter should reflect your match profile. Anything that would make your match think it is not specifically intended for him or she should be avoided like germs. Any feeling of your letter being generic could ruin your intension. Say something that pertains to her profile, her hobby, interest or something.
Avoid revealing questions
Do not ask questions that are personal revealing such as real name, home address, phone numbers, things about sex and the likes. Those are only meant for when the relationship has been taken to another level away from mere acquaintance.
Be yourself
Start by introducing yourself; your age, education and career. Statistics show that these three are most important to learn about for 80% ladies. Do not say things you are not. She may eventually know the truth. Once she knows the truth, her trust for you automatically dwindles. A relationship built on lies hardly stands the test of time.
Be polite and friendly
Do not write anything offensive. Imagine she is a potential business partner and try to keep your discussion formal. Avoid the use of words or phrases like: “hey chick” “my hot girl” and the likes. It doesn’t show a mature and well balanced mind.
Ask questions so she can respond
Let the style of your writing be more of dialogue. It is important you do this; it makes her feel you are a good listener. Encourage your match to talk about themselves. This in a little way gives out a clue to how interested you could be in people. Dale Carnegie, in his book, “How to win friends and influence people”, suggest that one of the principle of how to make people like you is to talk in terms of their interest. Ask your match questions you feel would interest them. This you could do by carefully studying their personal profile. Look for things like their hobbies, what they like doing at leisure and please never forget to make remark on it. If you do not know anything about their interest research a little on it. Try to show some profound knowledge of their interest. This may show you share some interest in common.
Ask him or her how she had written such an interesting profile. Make it known to her how you had read through dozens of profiles and found hers more distinct and striking than any other one you had read. Impress on her mind that she is a good writer and say things nice like: “I wish I could write like you”. If she’s got passion for writing, she would certainly want to talk to you about that in her reply. Specifically point out few striking lines in her profile to buttress your claims. This makes your claims sincere and genuine.
[http://alovelinksplus.com
[http://articlesbase.com. Writing first time to an online match
[http://internet-dating-tips-blogspot.com. Writing your first letter to a girl from dating site
[http://freedatingsite.co.uk.com
[http://articledashboard.com
[http://russiangirlint.com
Thursday, January 22, 2009
DEALING WITH THE FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY
There is an axiom that says, ‘all fingers are not equal’, so it is in life. It is this feeling of inequality that results in inferiority. The culprit fail to understand that there are some things or some areas in life that they have a comparative advantage over that person or persons that make them feel inferior.
Feelings of inferior sometimes begin from childhood. Some parents use all sort of derogatory words on their children, making them feel and believe they are actually good for nothing, simply because they failed in certain areas of life as children. The child withdraws himself from his real world, projecting a false character he was made to believe.
Ann, a grade C student was constantly picked on by her parents. They never saw anything good in her. Her weaknesses were exaggerated making her feel worthless inside. At every slight provocation, the parents’ calls her names ranging from clown, idiot, fool to dullard. The never saw anything good in whatever she does. They criticized her destructively. Before long an adult of low self esteem was made in Ann.
Ann grew to not seeing anything good about her. She became as negative as negative image of a photo before it is processed. She became limited in a circle of I-am no-good-a-person. Her subconscious kept telling her those lies simply because her parents fed in that garbage in her mind. Whatever was her thought pattern developed into feelings of inferiority. This made her run away from areas of responsibility and leadership as an adult.
Having Ann’s type for a spouse could be problematic. Be sure to appreciate them virtually in everything they do, be it good or bad. If it’s that bad do not make it worse. Make their mistakes look so small and easy to correct. Encouraging them would definitely re-create them. Though it may take time, it certainly will.
It is important you know that their primary need is the feelings of importance. Sincere and generous appreciation over time would fill this void. Should you be more intelligent, be kind enough not to assume a superiority attitude. It would only make it worse. Make them feel you are both on the same level. Say things like, ‘you can do this, I actually had greater fear than you have now the first time I tried it’, ‘failing isn’t that bad, not trying is worse’, ‘Thomas Edison failed so many times over’. Give them guidance to live a life of standard by accepting who they are.
Put them through series of talks on how unique they are. Say those obvious things about them that you admire and over blow it. You will be there star for that. If you do not have something nice to say, remain silent. This is a personality problem. Sometimes you need to distort the truth. If she says,’ she looks terribly bad at doing that’, object to it even when she’s telling the truth. Be kind to her instead of being truthful. Things don’t get better when people who have the feelings of inferiority as a result of low self esteem get involved with an unrefined man. They suffer abuse. They are likely to live with a wife beater all their life. They have the feelings that they may not be better of outside the relationship.
Win them over to your way of reasoning. Make them feel you can not do without them. This will surely make them feel they are valued. As this becomes a daily routine, they gradually start reasoning the way you do.
Appearing better than them is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no fault or weakness. Show them your weakness and that of people if need be, so they would feel they are all not super humans after all.
I had a friend who felt so small inside. She had her mom call her ugly in her childhood. The first time I called her beauty bright, she objected. I tried to know why until she let out what was in her inside. It took her time to accepting this fact. After all, she became the girl I wanted her to be. She confessed to me that if she had known me earlier she would have done better than she did during her university studies. I was happy she left her past.
Feelings of inferior sometimes begin from childhood. Some parents use all sort of derogatory words on their children, making them feel and believe they are actually good for nothing, simply because they failed in certain areas of life as children. The child withdraws himself from his real world, projecting a false character he was made to believe.
Ann, a grade C student was constantly picked on by her parents. They never saw anything good in her. Her weaknesses were exaggerated making her feel worthless inside. At every slight provocation, the parents’ calls her names ranging from clown, idiot, fool to dullard. The never saw anything good in whatever she does. They criticized her destructively. Before long an adult of low self esteem was made in Ann.
Ann grew to not seeing anything good about her. She became as negative as negative image of a photo before it is processed. She became limited in a circle of I-am no-good-a-person. Her subconscious kept telling her those lies simply because her parents fed in that garbage in her mind. Whatever was her thought pattern developed into feelings of inferiority. This made her run away from areas of responsibility and leadership as an adult.
Having Ann’s type for a spouse could be problematic. Be sure to appreciate them virtually in everything they do, be it good or bad. If it’s that bad do not make it worse. Make their mistakes look so small and easy to correct. Encouraging them would definitely re-create them. Though it may take time, it certainly will.
It is important you know that their primary need is the feelings of importance. Sincere and generous appreciation over time would fill this void. Should you be more intelligent, be kind enough not to assume a superiority attitude. It would only make it worse. Make them feel you are both on the same level. Say things like, ‘you can do this, I actually had greater fear than you have now the first time I tried it’, ‘failing isn’t that bad, not trying is worse’, ‘Thomas Edison failed so many times over’. Give them guidance to live a life of standard by accepting who they are.
Put them through series of talks on how unique they are. Say those obvious things about them that you admire and over blow it. You will be there star for that. If you do not have something nice to say, remain silent. This is a personality problem. Sometimes you need to distort the truth. If she says,’ she looks terribly bad at doing that’, object to it even when she’s telling the truth. Be kind to her instead of being truthful. Things don’t get better when people who have the feelings of inferiority as a result of low self esteem get involved with an unrefined man. They suffer abuse. They are likely to live with a wife beater all their life. They have the feelings that they may not be better of outside the relationship.
Win them over to your way of reasoning. Make them feel you can not do without them. This will surely make them feel they are valued. As this becomes a daily routine, they gradually start reasoning the way you do.
Appearing better than them is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no fault or weakness. Show them your weakness and that of people if need be, so they would feel they are all not super humans after all.
I had a friend who felt so small inside. She had her mom call her ugly in her childhood. The first time I called her beauty bright, she objected. I tried to know why until she let out what was in her inside. It took her time to accepting this fact. After all, she became the girl I wanted her to be. She confessed to me that if she had known me earlier she would have done better than she did during her university studies. I was happy she left her past.
Monday, January 19, 2009
EIGHT CONNECTING FACTORS TO BECOMING BEST FRIENDS
Freond in old English is a person whom one knows well and is fond of. Being best friends go beyond the scope of knowing well. It transcends to the point of mutual transference of traits, consciously or unconsciously. Before long, both of you seem to become one, not wanting to stay away from the tie.
Making the best of your friendship is a two sided thing. Both partners have input. It’s expedient to note here that one shouldn’t wait or bank on the other to make it ‘best’. The natural law of reciprocity is valid in this situation. Just build the blocks, there would be the natural tendencies of the other giving a hand.
Make yourself a best friend
Everything one wants in life begins from the mind. Little wonder Napoleon Hill in his book The Positive Mental Thinking, asserts that what the mind conceives, it receives. Charity begins at home – your mind. Say to you ‘I am a best friend’. Feel it and act it.
Avoid Perfectionism
Naturally as you tend to know each other very well, you become aware of each other’s weaknesses as well as strengths. Knowing this shouldn’t be an encumbrance towards building the blocks of best of friends, rather it should make you be aware of the likely ‘pitfalls’ in your relationship. For instance, knowing your friend is predominantly choleric in temperament would let you know he or she would have the problem of perfectionism. This understanding would work like the magic wand of Alibaba. According to Dennis Prager, he said that friends who never complain, always loving, never have moods, always fixated are known as pets. You do not expect your friend to act a pet, do you?
Love Notes
Make it a habit of dropping love notes for your friend. You could keep it under his (her) pillow, in the car, in the cupboard, in his (her) book, anywhere – just where your friend do not expect it. Surprises are most often cherished. It goes a long way to tell the person how much esteemed and loved. It doesn’t have to be long. A sentence or two could do. You never would know how many times he (she) would go through it. It would certainly make his (her) day.
Listen to Criticism
They just might be right. Even when your friend is wrong in its approach which may be destructive instead of constructive criticism. Courtesy demands that you don’t react rather respond to it. You might just say something like, ‘Hey! Courtesy isn’t expensive’. Experts advise that in doing this, it makes the fault seem easy to correct. Be liberal with your encouragement; make it seem easy to do; let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do.
Date
Plan a special date together for just the two of you. You know what it means? It tells your beau that you mean a lot to me and I wish I could spend the rest of my time with you. Go out on a ‘date’ at least once a month. This must take place before closeness develops. It is time to learn to be comfortable with each while you practice the basis of friendship. Begin with trying out common interest such as swimming, playing chess etc. You may try to do something new which calls for self sacrifices on the part of both us of you. According to Ed Wheat, M. D. and Gloria O. Perkins, in their book Love Life For Every Married Couple, confirmed that shared time, shared activities, shared interests and shared experiences leads to shared feelings and shared confidence. They went further to say that it’s the cream of marriage. I can’t imagine a lady living without a cream. Oh! I just have to dream it in another world.
Respect
This entails showing consideration for the feelings of your friend. Be tactful and discreet when your taste differs from theirs. So guard against the tendency to want to have your friend all to yourself. Give them the freedom of confiding in others and do not take offence at that.
Sometimes your friend would have need for privacy. You should be able to read his body language and know when he wants time for himself. It doesn’t in anyway mean he’s getting bored of you. It’s very natural.
Confident
Never repeat to anyone else the things your friend shares with you privately. You may never know the effect on your relationship until he hears the same thing he told you in the closet outside the street. At first, your friend would be like a kitten beaten by the rain. That would definitely make him withdrawn. A man that is not fully developed would definitely go ballistic on the next meet.
Making the best of your friendship is a two sided thing. Both partners have input. It’s expedient to note here that one shouldn’t wait or bank on the other to make it ‘best’. The natural law of reciprocity is valid in this situation. Just build the blocks, there would be the natural tendencies of the other giving a hand.
Make yourself a best friend
Everything one wants in life begins from the mind. Little wonder Napoleon Hill in his book The Positive Mental Thinking, asserts that what the mind conceives, it receives. Charity begins at home – your mind. Say to you ‘I am a best friend’. Feel it and act it.
Avoid Perfectionism
Naturally as you tend to know each other very well, you become aware of each other’s weaknesses as well as strengths. Knowing this shouldn’t be an encumbrance towards building the blocks of best of friends, rather it should make you be aware of the likely ‘pitfalls’ in your relationship. For instance, knowing your friend is predominantly choleric in temperament would let you know he or she would have the problem of perfectionism. This understanding would work like the magic wand of Alibaba. According to Dennis Prager, he said that friends who never complain, always loving, never have moods, always fixated are known as pets. You do not expect your friend to act a pet, do you?
Love Notes
Make it a habit of dropping love notes for your friend. You could keep it under his (her) pillow, in the car, in the cupboard, in his (her) book, anywhere – just where your friend do not expect it. Surprises are most often cherished. It goes a long way to tell the person how much esteemed and loved. It doesn’t have to be long. A sentence or two could do. You never would know how many times he (she) would go through it. It would certainly make his (her) day.
Listen to Criticism
They just might be right. Even when your friend is wrong in its approach which may be destructive instead of constructive criticism. Courtesy demands that you don’t react rather respond to it. You might just say something like, ‘Hey! Courtesy isn’t expensive’. Experts advise that in doing this, it makes the fault seem easy to correct. Be liberal with your encouragement; make it seem easy to do; let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do.
Date
Plan a special date together for just the two of you. You know what it means? It tells your beau that you mean a lot to me and I wish I could spend the rest of my time with you. Go out on a ‘date’ at least once a month. This must take place before closeness develops. It is time to learn to be comfortable with each while you practice the basis of friendship. Begin with trying out common interest such as swimming, playing chess etc. You may try to do something new which calls for self sacrifices on the part of both us of you. According to Ed Wheat, M. D. and Gloria O. Perkins, in their book Love Life For Every Married Couple, confirmed that shared time, shared activities, shared interests and shared experiences leads to shared feelings and shared confidence. They went further to say that it’s the cream of marriage. I can’t imagine a lady living without a cream. Oh! I just have to dream it in another world.
Respect
This entails showing consideration for the feelings of your friend. Be tactful and discreet when your taste differs from theirs. So guard against the tendency to want to have your friend all to yourself. Give them the freedom of confiding in others and do not take offence at that.
Sometimes your friend would have need for privacy. You should be able to read his body language and know when he wants time for himself. It doesn’t in anyway mean he’s getting bored of you. It’s very natural.
Confident
Never repeat to anyone else the things your friend shares with you privately. You may never know the effect on your relationship until he hears the same thing he told you in the closet outside the street. At first, your friend would be like a kitten beaten by the rain. That would definitely make him withdrawn. A man that is not fully developed would definitely go ballistic on the next meet.
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