DEALING WITH THE FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY

There is an axiom that says, ‘all fingers are not equal’, so it is in life. It is this feeling of inequality that results in inferiority. The culprit fail to understand that there are some things or some areas in life that they have a comparative advantage over that person or persons that make them feel inferior.

Feelings of inferior sometimes begin from childhood. Some parents use all sort of derogatory words on their children, making them feel and believe they are actually good for nothing, simply because they failed in certain areas of life as children. The child withdraws himself from his real world, projecting a false character he was made to believe.

Ann, a grade C student was constantly picked on by her parents. They never saw anything good in her. Her weaknesses were exaggerated making her feel worthless inside. At every slight provocation, the parents’ calls her names ranging from clown, idiot, fool to dullard. The never saw anything good in whatever she does. They criticized her destructively. Before long an adult of low self esteem was made in Ann.

Ann grew to not seeing anything good about her. She became as negative as negative image of a photo before it is processed. She became limited in a circle of I-am no-good-a-person. Her subconscious kept telling her those lies simply because her parents fed in that garbage in her mind. Whatever was her thought pattern developed into feelings of inferiority. This made her run away from areas of responsibility and leadership as an adult.

Having Ann’s type for a spouse could be problematic. Be sure to appreciate them virtually in everything they do, be it good or bad. If it’s that bad do not make it worse. Make their mistakes look so small and easy to correct. Encouraging them would definitely re-create them. Though it may take time, it certainly will.

It is important you know that their primary need is the feelings of importance. Sincere and generous appreciation over time would fill this void. Should you be more intelligent, be kind enough not to assume a superiority attitude. It would only make it worse. Make them feel you are both on the same level. Say things like, ‘you can do this, I actually had greater fear than you have now the first time I tried it’, ‘failing isn’t that bad, not trying is worse’, ‘Thomas Edison failed so many times over’. Give them guidance to live a life of standard by accepting who they are.

Put them through series of talks on how unique they are. Say those obvious things about them that you admire and over blow it. You will be there star for that. If you do not have something nice to say, remain silent. This is a personality problem. Sometimes you need to distort the truth. If she says,’ she looks terribly bad at doing that’, object to it even when she’s telling the truth. Be kind to her instead of being truthful. Things don’t get better when people who have the feelings of inferiority as a result of low self esteem get involved with an unrefined man. They suffer abuse. They are likely to live with a wife beater all their life. They have the feelings that they may not be better of outside the relationship.

Win them over to your way of reasoning. Make them feel you can not do without them. This will surely make them feel they are valued. As this becomes a daily routine, they gradually start reasoning the way you do.

Appearing better than them is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no fault or weakness. Show them your weakness and that of people if need be, so they would feel they are all not super humans after all.

I had a friend who felt so small inside. She had her mom call her ugly in her childhood. The first time I called her beauty bright, she objected. I tried to know why until she let out what was in her inside. It took her time to accepting this fact. After all, she became the girl I wanted her to be. She confessed to me that if she had known me earlier she would have done better than she did during her university studies. I was happy she left her past.